What you’ll hear in this episode:

• How Alexis Jones’ built I Am That Girl
• How ProtectHer came to be
• Feminism and changing conversations
• Kindness, optimism, joy, and authenticity

Alexis Jones is the founder of I Am That Girl and ProtectHer. She is also an author, activist, media personality, and was one of Oprah’s super sold one hundred, and before Jones received all of her accolades, she was put to the test on the television show Survivor. Jones also organized the first Tedx Austin Women’s conference and produced a documentary called A Brave Heart: The Lizzie Velasquez Story. It is about fellow motivational speaker, Lizzie Velásquez, and her struggle with bullying and body shaming.

Jones founded I Am That Girl while she was a student at the University of Southern California. It began as a safe place where women could feel seen and heard, and today it has grown into an online community inspiring girls to be, love, and express who they are with 1.2 million members in 24 countries. Jones also published a book by the same name on the subject.

In 2014 she was asked to speak to the top 12 high school quarterbacks in the United States about respecting women. Jones’ took a personal approach and received a reaction that she did not expect. She realized there was a need for these kinds of talks and began speaking with more athletes on the subject of protecting, respecting, supporting, and uplifting the women in their lives. This lead to the creation of the organization ProtectHer. After MeToo and TimesUp, Jones took ProtectHer out of the locker room and into the workplace as it became clear that it wasn’t a locker room issue but a systemic one.

Listen to our first installment of “View from Venus” to hear more about Alexis Jones’ fight to change the world and her relationship to joy and kindness. If you like what you hear, be sure to share this episode with friends and family!

View from Venus is a founding_media podcast created in collaboration with foundingAUSTIN.

Host: Deborah Hamilton-Lynne

Guest: Alexis Jones

Find Alexis Jones on Instagram and Twitter

Transcript:

this is a founding media podcast this podcast episode is brought to you by our friends of diverse legal they were helpful as we started sounding media and the podcast network with a focus on utilizing technology to better deliver IP is business law services to founder start ups and emerging growth companies diverse legal has been changing the way lawyers practise since two thousand four divers legals latest offering traversed G. C. provides a monthly fixed fee fractional general counsel offering to companies learn more by visiting traverse legal dot com

welcome to the view from Venus podcast I’m your host ever Hamilton limp this week we are featuring Alexis Jones Alexis was one of Oprah’s super sold one hundred and is the founder of I am that girl and protect her she’s a motivational speaker author activist and media personality list of accolades and accomplishments just keeps growing let’s jump in and hear more from lex

I am here with my guest Alexis Jones and I was thinking about you today N. I’ll full disclosure for my view from Venus podcast I have known Alexis and she was very young and she was my son’s high school prom date I now own Jimmy Hamilton extremely proud of you and everything that you’ve done but when I was looking at it and reading all about all your honors and everything that you’ve done I thought why should people listen to a podcast with Alexis Jones so I wanted to list the people that do to listen to you the NFL Google NC a a division one college football and other sports net Flix Dale see Nike and the United Nations not to mention Oprah how about that that’s pretty impressive I feel very over well now now I’m like I have to be articulate and funny and charming all those things but before you were all those things you were on survivor so I think we have to start with the question everybody wants to know how was that experience and was survivor is it real the like I know they will never show it really goes down because it wouldn’t be entertainment is a hundred times more real than anything that they show on TV so it’s worse it’s a hundred times worse than anything they show on TV yeah I mean they didn’t show any of like the crises especially for me I I broke my hand on gosh on our first challenge they didn’t they didn’t they edited that out I machete my foot on day nineteen they edited that out I was the only contestant they got stung by one of the world’s most poisonous scorpions three different times edited all three of those times out and then I blew out my my knee on day thirty one and they edited that out so I was like what like and whenever you see it torrential rain poor you know and then two minutes later it’s like and then there’s the rainbow for us you know those storms would last seventeen hours so if I mean it’s it’s hard when you put you know it really is you’re taking city slickers and you’re putting them out in the middle of nowhere and asking them to survive and it is so brutal and there’s so many things I’m not going to tell you because it is disgusting and gross about sanitation and hygiene and that yeah it’s some it was really hard it was brutal

so after surviving that you feel you felt like you could do anything hi mom and so I want to go right into kind of your entrepreneurial journey a little bit because that’s what this podcast is about so through you say innovation authenticity and kindness and I love the fact that you include kindness you are all you started out all about empowering women so while you were still at U. S. C. you founded is that I am that girl I am that girl tell me a little bit about that and why you started it there and then sure I mean what I love about getting have this conversation with you is because you’ve known me forever so since I I was just a young Buck and green up in Westlake was it was really challenging because it was a very wealthy school well the environment and I think that I probably had all the normal teenager in securities and I think those are really kind of exacerbated by the fact that I lived in this very wealthy community bodily it’s it’s a little bubble in is still is yeah and and yet my family wasn’t wealthy and so it was just kind of this like glaringly obvious thing that just kind of made all my insecurities even more and so when I got a scholarship that I moved out to California and I went to USC I realize that I was then going into you know top three most expensive private schools in the country thank god I got a scholarship but I mean it just it was Westlake on steroids because with the same environment it was people who could afford that kind of tuition in so again now I’m displaced now I’m living in California I don’t really know anyone I only know a handful of people and so I remember sitting down with six girls in my sorority and I said with a lot of calm stations about things that don’t matter like clothes and shoes in movies and boys and guys like all of it and and I said in it’s amazing it’s such a luxury of a first world but what what if what if we conversations about things it did matter would you come in with that the interesting and they said well what do you mean an and I started talking about my fears and my doubts the main securities and on the things I woke up with that morning struggling with and also my hopes my dreams and aspirations and everything in between and and they said yes absolutely we would we would love we would show up for that and I said great and so that first meeting though six girl showed up and six meetings later we had three hundred and forty seven girls showing up and we kept outgrowing mean like venue after then you after then you at USC and finally you know at a certain point you know it’s it’s teachers are coming in be like what is this this is an of an actual class and I was like this is real life one oh one take

well it was something that was born I think from what you’ve told me it from the very beginning when we first talked about it other kind of unacknowledged need yes it was something that was always below the surface that needed to be we need someone to bring it up to give it air and you did that and I think especially as women because it we’re not we’re not born threatened by each other as women I think that is a very learned behavior and I think that is a cultural script that is handed to us from such a young age and then we adopted as truth and so the other thing is that so often I feel like in these situations we can find ourselves as women walking into to situations in it obviously that moment for me at the college level walking in the classrooms walking into parties walking and all of a sudden like sizing up all the other girls and not realizing that we are all perfectly wonderfully flawed and we all walk around with that is like the glue that holds humanity together is that we all have these fears and doubts and insecurities and we just had no way to talk about it and we know where to ask the hard questions and we had no where to take our frustrations you know whether it was with the environment our politics our own body or the relationship that we were in it was a safe place where we could put our guards down and we could come honestly and my one rule in these in these little groups are coming together was that you know I want everyone to feel seen and heard and I want them to feel like they belong and these weren’t girls that would necessarily be friends otherwise but they knew that when they walked in the baggage of what we’ve been told and these are the visible and invisible limitations of women don’t exist here and in this space we have permission to be fully honest and fully seen into dream as as no judgments you know and sometimes in a girl is like starts bawling and it was amazing because like this is our default setting as a little girls like you know when you’re you when you’re a couple years old it’s so easy to walk up to someone like Hey to be your friends and you know I like you you know I like a backpack the friends and we get in this weird adult teen where like that’s not appropriate anymore we’re plain cool in in in in that space there was no plane cool it was I’m gonna show up and sometimes I’m gonna be awesome and sometimes I’m gonna be just struggling you know to get here and I get to be all of it

that’s wonderful so take me from that to today one point two million different member side I assume and twenty four countries yeah I mean I think that’s always the the Frankenstein of its own rate that’s always kind of the impetus is is when you have the courage to put something out into the world and just say this needs to be this needs to exist and then its its own beautiful entity and of course you know the kind of a funny thing the backstory that a lot of people don’t necessarily know is that I am that girl was built off of twenty three interns they were working out of my apartment so you talk about like dat ass girl so you were still at USC yep that’s why I was still at you I see as an undergrad and I put out this Craigslist ad and it was like if you want to change the world I fight for girls and you want to not get paid in do insane hours and like all these things and I can’t think you would be so great if I had one in turn you know from one person in response to this Craigslist ad and I was in shock within twenty four hours it was hundreds of girls reaching out and and valedictorians of ivy leagues sane I you know I will move to LA this is exactly in so I always say that theirs is irony about millennials and and being a millennial and in that were often criticized for being the world’s most entitled generation and I am a hopeless optimist so I always take the slant of that’s a great thing invade you have a generation who has the audacity to think that they could actually change the world and so for me seen all these girls showing up in like absolutely you know and so I

I tried to look professional I think I put on some like cheesy suit and I showed up in the coffee bean my quote unquote interviews and they were they were just so overly qualified for this is I ended up hiring twenty three of them and I put them in different apartments and it it was in my living room and so you know I would call a meeting I would sit in the middle of the living room and I would call a meeting and I would say like okay are three girls from accounting any accounting over here and they would meet in the middle has any of our marketing team and then they would mean that you know and the amazing thing and looking back that was really are like glory years because you know it was the hustle it was well what talk later I need that Craigslist ad yeah gosh I got to find it yeah that’s a that’s something I have some interest in that so the movement was to inspire girls you say to be live an express exactly who they are and from that you it’s grown tremendously I mean you’re associated now with I guess I don’t know you’ve got a there’s a huge team I looked at online today yeah it’s an amazing team the team is always evolving people coming and going and and adding their little bits of flaring their magic and again it’s also a testament what happens when extraordinary people come together and do this one kind of organically how did you and yeah twenty four different countries very organically I think it’s also a testament to our influencers who’ve been involved just because they’re such incredible spokes people and people who are always you know speaking on behalf the organization and showing up at events and writing for words to my book so really grateful for that but it again I I think it’s one of those things that when you have a question like how did this video go viral like you really it is this like intangible force that had in maybe you know you give a spark an interest the bonfire he wraps and that’s what I always felt like with mine that girl was you know I was about one girl who realized more than anything that I needed something that didn’t exist and sometimes we think that is selfish that were like I’m gonna go and change the world whenever I give any talks anywhere I’m always telling people like stop changing the world just change your own just fix your own just he’ll yours just do what brings you the most joy and then you have a shot at doing something extraordinary and I am that girl certainly that

I want to talk to you a little bit about something that was near and dear to my heart your work which which plays into I am that girl your work with Lizzie and listing bask as who is it for people who don’t know they’re listening to the podcast was bullied online and called the ugliest woman in the world when she really had a medical condition where she could not gain weight and from there she did an extraordinary Ted talk a and you were also instrumental in the documentary which was wonderful about her but talk to me a little bit about Lizzie and the bullying and how that came from a lot of your experience with I am that girl as well as with as your personal relationship with her sure that was it is time where I taking a sabbatical from mine that girl to write the book also called I and that girl and I also around that time found love with a lovely fellow that you also know they’re eager app with Bradley black man and I was kind of a moment where I was deciding at the time I was living in LA I’m obviously from Austin and I was like my gonna move back to Austin if I am one of my going to do and so I phoned my very best friends there Bordeaux and I said Hey I’m thinking about organizing a tad event for Austin it had women and then because we’ve never had one would you want to be involved would you want to produce it and she said great so like about this time next year and I said oh no it’s in like you know sixty four days are like something insane you know to raise the money put on and then you know and she was like are you crazy and quickly followed up by are you crazy crazy yes you are of course you are because so am I an absolutely we have to do this and so then it was I was in charge of curating the speakers and that was when I found Lizzy on and I’d read about our story and I got on Skype with her and immediately fell in love with her because to your point it was so in alignment with the work that I’ve been doing a time that girl because one of the biggest challenges you can imagine within girl world is baleen and billion has gotten so sophisticated now given technology cyber bulling cyber bulling specifically and it’s something that a lot of parents actually can’t really understand the gravitas and and the impact that has on young people’s lives right now because pulling used to happen out you know in on the playground you know or at school and you got to come home and you had a reprieve from it rate and then you have to like muster up the courage to go back to school to face your believes in and even that isn’t healthy he for any child to be in that ecosystem but what’s so hard about cyber bulling today using technology as a way to Bali is one anonymity is that you no longer have to face the person the baleen which from a whole medical statistical standpoint actually it’s been proven that you can be exponentially more vicious you say things you would ever have the courage to say design base using you know getting to having having the luxury to hide behind a screen so that’s one aspect and and that coupled with the fact that it’s twenty four seven that children really can’t get away from it and so they’re being attacked especially when it’s coming from so many people in a way that they can’t even really defend themselves and

so for me scene is really intimately and being a critical expert on cyber bullying and being called and all these conferences and speaking on behalf of girls everywhere of course when I saw Lizzie’s message and how she overcame it and how she continues to overcome it both physically when she’s out in about but also the way that she combated online what’s with such grace and strength and humor she’s hilarious I was not expecting her to he is wildly inappropriate either very inappropriate sense of humor and so she and so we really bonded over that but it was a no brainer of course again one of those we invited her to speak Serret that made a very last minute decision to have her actually finish are are Ted talk that entire day with lazy and it was the perfect right decision and its course she got a standing ovation we never could have anticipated that she was going to get ten million plus views not that we were surprised run again you can’t manufacture this kind of stuff and so again it was a it was a reminder that that message of kindness was resonating and that you don’t have to have the same condition I think there’s only six people in the entire world who have her condition of inability to gain weight and so there’s there’s only six people he even kind of look like her in the world and so she is incredibly unique in that sense but to see her choose to have ownership over her life on and more than anything for me to realize that the irony of her being called those horrible things online that I or any of that is it she genuinely is one of the most beautiful people that I’ve actually is she is and started out in Texas I mean she’s just one of those girls the and when you can just mail you just now everyone wants a best easy he was the poster girl for me of choosing to be kind in a sometimes cruel world and and selfishly I needed her to be out in the world doing the work that you’re doing amplifying her message well

when you amplified it through the documentary as well you were executive producer and we do you mentioned briefly just a minute ago another one of my favorite people Serra so talk to me a little bit about what it means to have a partner that’s also a best friend as far as I in in an entrepreneurial journey it seems to be very important yeah I mean I think so many things Serra is is I mean she’s more than a best friend she’s more than one of my bridesmaids she’s more than a sister or mentor I mean she plays so many of these roles in my life she’s just a couple more years older than me that always seems like she’s just pass that chapter in our life and she’s given me so much wisdom over the years and really ushered me into finding my own voice in figuring out who I want to be in this world and how how I want to do the things that really make my look my heart laid out and so I think it’s it’s really unique I think she and I have a incredibly rare relationship and one of things that she’s done such a great job specifically entrepreneur only is date she insists on radical candor and I think it’s what’s allowed us to work so well together especially as women because again it’s one of those ecosystems it’s already it already set up to fail rate the minute that you’re like oh two best friends are working together on a project and who’s going to get more credit and who’s gonna you know all that stuff and we’re serving the two of you together I never I never saw that ever well and and I think that she and I are both so intentional not only about that but we have so much reverence for one another and we recognize each other’s strengths and we simultaneously recognize each other’s weaknesses when you have a lot of respect for each other I mean you listen to her I’ve seen her listen to him and and so I think it’s been in able to also have a relationship with yourself to recognize when you’re operating out of ego because it’s not if right it’s when you you kind of default set to something and so for her it was always if we have those moments and even though it sounds crazy in even though their shame rate associated with like all my gosh is she getting more credit or she could be more interviews than me or you know we were like here’s the thing based off of Bernie brown because we’re both obsessed with her is we’re just gonna speak it out loud even if it feels embarrassing even if it feels to be even if whatever even the the crazy things you can imagine of like I feel like you don’t even want to support me and you just want everything which I know is a lie I know it’s not true but it’s like we would just have this practice where we can say that to each other I know that this isn’t this is my staff this is my baggage showing up for me and my insecurities but this is how I’m feeling and there’s always face honor that and to say thank you so much for sharing that now let me break down of course I would never intentionally make you feel this way you know and so there was just so much dialogue and I think regardless of female female relationships professionally or personally I don’t I I think it makes it harder because of how we’ve been programmed as women to like always be nice and err on the side of I just don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings and I’ll talk to yeah we don’t stuff it a lot yeah we talk which men want to counsel stuff it and then it all comes out at once sure but one thing I think with a you know in my old age learning about ego is I I have learned to stop myself if I am hurt angry or afraid because if I’m if I’m feeling those things it means egos involved sure also good I’m like have to write that down after remember to tell me that so I can take that down after that’s so good I do the same thing I’d like and my hunger you’re tired right now what I’m fighting with my husband I’m like only they were not even mad at you I’m just really hungry no that’s it but it’s that kind of self awareness on and again I means there is like the queen of this is just I mean she models the so effortlessly is being able to dip down into that and to say can we pause for a second I can tell this conversation is charged I want to know what it’s really about because it’s never about the stuff that you’re now it’s not and and now I have to does not about you yeah

so in two thousand fourteen skipping ahead you had sort of I think I I call it an appointment with destiny you were asked to speak to the top where they twelve high school quarterbacks in the United States about respecting women and had an aha moment which became protect her so talk to me a little bit about that I was referred a protector is this is what happens when you say yes to the universe this is what happens when god opens up the door and you’re like he’s like all you do is say yes all you do is walk through that’s what this represented because your point I’ve been doing girl empowerment for over a decade and that was really my niece it was where our super comfortable is where I’d worked really hard and felt really good about the work that I was doing and then Trent Dilfer in yogi Roth a commentator for for ESPN for a long time your keys with you know he was a quarterbacks coach at USC in one of my dearest friends in grad school SO two incredible man that I love that I respect called me and said is there any way that you coming give you know the top quarterbacks in the country a conversation about respecting women and it first I kind of laughed and this is what’s also funny is when you’re like wait what why why do you think should the you know in in you know he was like are you kidding Jones because one no one knows football better than you you were with four older brothers your from taxes like your best friends with our quarterback at U. S. C. you know like no one is a Die Hard you know football fan like you and knows football better he was like the also like all the work that you do with I and that girl thank you there’s an urgency for you and you the name and a face in a story for every time people talk about these girls in theory and I’m giving you direct access into changing the game in a completely different way by identifying the influencers in the game and I mean how do you say no to that right was like okay great and then the funny back sorry that no one really knows is I ended up my flight ends up getting delayed I not showing up and by the way it’s like such a classy guy thing right they give ME zero notice there like by the way if we fly you out like three days and I was like oh for talk I’ve never given for demographic I’ve never spoken to I have no content I’ve no talk I think I need actual prep time a and I was at my best friend’s wedding at the time in Canada and so they flew me out always think you want at least a half a day to put together all this stuff and I land that night after I didn’t get into like midnight and I check my phone term not my phone on I was supposed to go till four PM that next day so I was like a wake up at six all days six call and when I landed I and the a missed call from you he was like Hey by the way just a heads up we moved you to seven AM slot and so true wants to have breakfast with you at six AM and I’m like clearly these men do not understand hair and make up right I mean things need to happen if I’m about to be on camera for television I think that a lot and I just remember calling my husband and like I started bawling and I was like I can’t do this I have to make up an excuse I might say I got a car accident he was a you don’t even have a car also a good point terrible said like I had to come up with something better than that but I was so scared because I just didn’t feel like I was like I was ready or prepped or anything and and my husband’s I just get up there and talk and talk and speak from the heart and say why this matters and then he did give me one little pointer which changed the game is he said you know what boys are going to be what young men are gonna be in the room and I said I do and he said well if I were you I would pull pictures of their sisters and moms and girlfriends and I put it in your presentation

remember you tell me that and and my husband being a professional athlete for nine years he was like we’ve heard this talk from every which way they bring an officer as we’ve heard our head coach say if you ever you know in any size really haven’t I’ve never heard of a girl coming in and talking about this he said but you’re gonna immediately re frame it you’re not talking girls in theory you’re not talking about the hot sorority girls that they’re trying to hook up with you are talking about the women and the girls that they love and that they respect the most and if you can tie it back to that and not that you should have to rate I mean just as ideally shouldn’t have to everyone should be treated with dignity or side but that’s not the culture we live in we know first told me this and I first saw the pictures I mean not you know you know how much I care about you and I love you and I looked at the pictures and I thought does she not even get that the first thing they’re doing is looking at her and thinking they wanna Naylor because she’s beautiful she’s hot you know she’s funny she’s all the things and I thought you know how to get their minds off of your physical presence and all on to what they’re really needing to talk about what they’re really need to think about just that just re framing that you had that hurdle to go over before they even would listen because they were looking first timing wise beyond sure sure yeah I a in and I would say that

what shocks me when you said you know that was an aha moment for me what shocked me was you know ten minutes into the talk after showing their sisters and I memorized their names I was like you know this is one time I’m talking about Jenny and I’m talking about Laura and I’m talking about your name and you know was how quickly their body language when it from like I’m relaxed leaning back maybe even getting eyes of likes so girl great to immediately sitting charade up in their seats like full attention like you’re talking about my people now and you know I was a like half the guys started tearing up and not caught me so off guard that I was not prepared for such an emotional and visceral reaction to this conversation because like you said I just got up and and you start talking about stats and you start filling their faces and with those stats let’s see I think if you would still up there first instead one instant one in five which I think the number is much higher one in five I’ve girl supposedly sexually assaulted when they go to college or or has some form of sexual assault that happens when they go to college I thought I personally think the numbers match my so that’s based off of what I you know so right there two stops in it some say one in five some say one in four but both of those stats are based off of only twenty percent of girls who will ever say anything who will report sure exacto when you do the actual math I mean you’re talking about more than one into

do you know that I just read a statistic which and scared me from say place that said only six percent of women in Texas reports six percent that’s terrible but anyway back to protect her so you went from that talk to knowing from what you told me to knowing this was another another unmet need something else that needed to be addressed and you put together protect her and began to speak to entire teams for the D. one yeah how did that come about again this is kind of that divine intervention but what ended up happening was when everything went down with ray rice and that was is very viral video and got a lot of attention and suddenly sexual soul and domestic abuse with the number one trend dean issue on on social media and this video aired on ESPN you then next week and so was like right in the Mets and this is before me to in times up and it’s so funny how many people are like so you started this went to me too movement of the times sounds like no this is five years ago and it was a divine timing was all of a sudden I was that girl on TV having tough love conversations with young men about wide why it matters so much they they respect and protect and uplift and encourage the girls and women in their life and and really it was kind of a paradigm shift you know as as a feminist and as someone who was raised by feminists and my grandmother you know just the powerful strong unapologetic women there might kind of epiphany was also around wow you’re really missing the boat to not include half this guy like we’re really missing the boat do not include half of humanity into this conversation because we actually need them and it takes a lot of humility to say we’re not going anywhere like we’re not pushing humanity forward in less we can get everyone on board with this and then what I found was you know it’s so easy to highlight the guys doing it wrong it’s salacious rate the gets clicks right people love it as headlines but I will say having spent the past five years now building protector and speaking in locker rooms and would very quickly when me to in times up came out and suddenly I was being hired by Google and dial in you know all of you like corporate was having problems because of course this isn’t a locker room problem it’s not a university problem it’s a cultural systemic problems so it showing up everywhere saw the suddenly started as I’m gonna create this content of course which I hear hired Serra Bordeaux to produce an incredible documentary fifty two minute documentary and companion curricula curriculum for it but was started is protector is just for like male athletes in a locker room all of a sudden became a much bigger conversation date was how do you be a good human today right on because this is and it’s not just about her rate it’s about how are we teaching people in all ecosystems to treat to treat all humans with dignity and respect and so

then my work was really cut out for me you know because all the sun west point is is Colleen and you know they’d never had a female speaker in history of west point I mean how long how many years come in and speak on this topic and and so all of a sudden it was interesting be alone being a woman who is suddenly seen a lot of firsts the first time that this happened the first time I was invited into this room and it is right I think that was because of the paradigm shift that you had when you realize that if you’re going to teach men to respect women they have to respect themselves first because they’re disrespect of women to me comes from their disrespect of them so they wouldn’t do that if they didn’t receive you know if I respected themselves they would never do that that’s the first thing in the second thing is when you shifted from shame and blame two including them in the conversation but because I think the you said one time shame has never been an agent for change this is not effective and if that’s what we’re really after inside satin so many rooms in which women are angry and by the way it’s justifiable to write righteous anger is understandable great ends ends because we have to honor that we to create space for that and we need to figure out how to how to help heal that and not just an individual women I mean is collective femininity we have to figure out how to like love women back to life and simultaneously if our end goal is we want to see violence against women going down we want to see sexual assault numbers going down we wanna radic Kate I mean not just going down in an utopia we want this stuff around I get it again it comes back to to practicality and that is where I’m able to separate the book of the emotional side and go into a kind of the social scientist that I am and to really understand that if what we really want if that’s our end goal then purely from a data standpoint we’ve never seen any kind of behavioral changes that have been affected using shame blaming or anger and so figuring out okay you know we need it we need to use a different technique and in the different circles that I had the privilege of being an with women who are twice my age when we first started talking about this and felt very there like what what do you mean you want include men and I said I just think as women if we had the humility to recognize that what we’ve been doing isn’t working right we start from that place because again you know we’re talking one in four one in five and if we know that’s less than twenty percent of the girls report I mean whatever we’ve been doing isn’t working so let’s just try this and if this doesn’t work great we can you know we can throw it out as well but what I’m finding is in the midst of yes there are bad apples but I was in awe and this is where I was like my hope was just blown up was I could not believe how many men were reaching out to me I couldn’t in good it men saying how do I get on board this is amazing this is the first time I’ve ever like not felt embarrassed Shane just to be a man like I may not be perfect but I try really hard and I love my mom and my girlfriend is the best and how can I love her better and

I was blown away by the volume on and you know anywhere from high school boys being like how can I be a better influence on my basketball team to C. E. O.’s you know running hundreds a million dollars worth of companies and saying you know I really care about this and I daughters and I want to know what I can do to Russell Wilson reaching how’d you know and saying I love my wife I want to teach my son how to be a protector how do I get on board how do I do this so I think for me it was they’ve been awaiting the invitation they’ve been waiting that Hey you can come sit at our table and not only can you but we want you to and we need you because this is a complex issue and it is going to take all of us if we’re going to see any kind of change and treatment of women which of course the intersection alley of we can’t talk about women without talking about black lives matters without talking about the treatment of the LGBTQ absolutely and immigration

like this is a conversation of which leads to your be a human yeah be a good human is you know kind of to me the next evolution it’s not about gender it’s not about sex it’s not about religion or ethnicity or nationality or aid the way you look or the way you look the idea of being a good human is how do we come back to the basics and I think that’s the other thing is it’s not about teaching anyone anything it’s like how do we revert back to you know the little kid inside of us who didn’t know that any of that stuff existed and what does it mean to be a good human in and how do we inject more compassion and kindness where we see criticism and shame and and I think being able to have really thoughtful conversations about intentionally creating those kinds of ecosystems from schools organizations to company culture I think that’s the stuff that really excites me one of

your complete optimist we we we talk about that a lot of between the two of us we talk about how sometimes we get knocked down went with our optimism and especially with things that are happening now especially with some of the talk that’s gone on in some of the disrespect for women how do you deal with that now as far as I’m sure you get questions mature your US of course I think that depending on the day I handle it better than other you know I think that’s part of it is like when you’re an optimist by sharing your human has to irritate you and it has to make you angry to hear some of the things sometimes I just sit there and go I can’t believe this I burned my broad chain myself tanks I thought I was done and now we’re starting it to me in some sometimes I get frustrated because I think we’re starting all over again but we’re not yeah I’m a we never are but I I can imagine that sentiment I think my mom is a very similar sentiment of like what we’re past this and and life is funny rain humanity is funny because it’s always three steps Ford’s two steps back three to the side anything for me like I said depending on the day their days where I my eternal optimism can out way whatever kind of negativity that I’m seen out in the world and you know I can like my mom was as like a duck I can you can roll off my back and I give you like another idiot sane idiotic things sure Haig chalk it up to a dime a dozen in there sometimes run like are you thinking you know so depending on the day their moments where my humanity outweighs the divinity that exists inside of me and everyone else and I think it it for any activists for anyone who cares about anything I think it is waking up and it is one day at a time ray it’s one I’m I’m gonna wake up today and I’m gonna see what kind of micro dent I can make and then not self care is a very real piece of it and I think that’s something I only recently kind of stepped into with my crazy around the world trip was I just needed a break I just hadn’t traveled and I hadn’t done anything for me and I think I forgot along the way of like carrying the torch and wanting to make the world better and and certainly starting with my own that somewhere along the way I kinda lost my joy just for everything for the little things so important yeah and

I think there’s a distinction between happiness and joy happiness is it to me feels very external and like red velvet cupcakes make me actually happy Blue Moon my favorite bit like it makes me actually happy and so you know it’s kind of these like kind of fun frivolous things they can bring me happiness and and I feel like it’s tied to pleasure but joy for me is an internal thing the like nothing from the exterior can give it to me and to me is it’s really tied to purpose and and figuring out how are you waking up every day and instead the distinction between who you are and what you do and who you are of you know I can I can be the active is that I am I can be the founder and the CEO or how all the different labels the author but in my doing it with kindness and it is an authenticity in my doing it with humility and and and my making time for the Bari state Starbucks on a pit stop and I’m running late and I just on my phone staring down my taking a moment to look up and their eyes into genuinely ask them how their day is in the wait for a response it was so proud of me you won’t believe what idea tell me I took kind bars with me I’d flew out this weekend to go see my grandsons and I thought about you because I’ve been reading and I took kind bars and I took a whole box of them and I gave one to every TSA person that I took time being able to all the TSA guys and said I just wanted to say thank you for being here for showing up when I know you’re not getting paid and you know so I thought and they looked at me like well and they said lady the first thing was I had the box this is so crazy TSA had the box in the bag and they go you can have food in that bag unless it is not open and it’s for you yeah and so they said okay they started laughing and they took it around the thing you know so then they let me give them out but anyway of course of course I had to break a rule when I was doing it but anyway back back to the optimism thing yeah I think a joy for me enjoy for you probably is something that you will be memorable you know happiness you experience it is sort of fleeting char but Joyce something that you always remember yeah and I think that’s something I’ve also just made space for in my life of like hunting joy I think that’s a really important aspect of my life for as before I think I was all fight I’m fine I was like battling all the time and and I realize that the battle is important and I I it is just how I’m hard wired that I’m always going to be fighting for pushing humanity forward a little bit and

I just recognize and was you to pay for any because this crazy trip that I just went on was I also want to make time for joy did you go was sister what just a fun trip did you go with Iran yeah Brad met me for part of it but I basically put together I put together my bucket list which is funny because bucket lists are kind of these like back burner right when I start asking people I’m like is anyone actually pursuing a bucket list or is that just kind of somewhere on the notes page on your phone that you never ever look at and as I told my husband I was like man I’m not gonna I’m getting burned out like I’m exhausted I’ve been on the road at that point over two hundred twenty days a year on the road for thirteen years and last year I was on the return in fifty one days and all they get is just too my body was saying no everything you know and so I told my husband I said I just put together my bucket list and he said you came in and I I the race everything in my office off on my white boards and I just started like a maniac to sort of ready now all the things that just bring me joy that was the only only line I was feeling and what are the things bring me joy and or things I’ve always wanted to do and as I’m writing all downing’s like wow there’s a lot of places you want to visit and I said yeah I want to do an around the world trip and he was like oh okay and I said for the next Hundred Days this is the only thing I’m doing this is my full time job and so I took a sabbatical from work in four hundred days all I did was literally cross off bucket lists and not included Cuba in Antarctica and then I did Japan Bali India at Cape Town Rwanda Ireland’s London home and so that was part of my bucket list but

I mean the thing is that it feels so ironic or counter intuitive for Americans to take a break because we think we’re gonna get behind in this invisible rays that none of us are like we are you know do you know what I just did yeah and I went around the world to yeah for a whole year and and it’s like the version of the on the other side of that you’re like I don’t even know I could have more Jews well I do you remember what you’re fighting for sometimes you’re just tired and I was exhausted and I was exhausted for a different reason because of of an outcome that I didn’t expect sure and sometimes when you get knocked down the only thing to do is get up and pack a suitcase and a man that should be like the name of the book maybe it will make tagline cost yeah you never know yeah yeah I I agree totally getting to meet different people getting to see different things and relax a little bit and not have an agenda plus I didn’t have to be all on all the time and that’s I’m sure for you that something because you’re you know when you walk out you do have to be on because if you’re not infectious they’re not going to get it so that’s part of what you speak you know part of the things that you do yeah so as far as

I’m gonna wrap up with lessons you’ve learned from your entrepreneurial journey and also what it means to have support from people like your wonderful husband and so many mentors so many people were always when I say support there you have a lot of people are always wishing you well always yeah you know I mean whether you realize it on almost every day I do I know I know lots of other people that do but talk a little bit about the importance of having support yeah I mean it gosh I think that’s everything you know if you even if it especially as an entrepreneur I mean most especially as an entrepreneur because there is a definition of faith right transcendent of religion this is you are believing in something that doesn’t yet exist on every single day you’re trying to you know you’re wearing thirty different hats to trying to pull something together you’re asking people to have faith in you in this idea in this vision there are no guarantees ever and so of course it heightens every in security you ever thought you had comes out especially in that in that world so having a community who loves you and support you regardless of your success or failure anything that’s something I’m really learning right now is can I be okay with you I am Alexis Whitney Jones regardless of the praise or the criticism and I don’t have the better sandals yeah exactly yeah and and so the idea that I have a community that loves me regardless so loves me in a state of when I my very best and when I’m having my worst day and if they choose to show up and Love Me I think that you know when you you nailed it I mean my family is everything you know and to me and my husband I saw the pinch myself that I ended up with that guy and and that’s not even my closest friends and in my in my businessman tors and you know all the people who as you mention I mean I talked him every day but I energetically feel them in my corner and that means everything is far as some of the lessons I’ve learned I think a lot of house it was slowing down which is very counter intuitive to my circuitry into my DNA and I think that as I’ve gotten older I’ve recognized the power of slowing down in the in stillness is where I find my genius exists ends might my greatest wisdom exists in stillness and again it’s almost like if I had a big decision to make I’ve sent like my instinct is I’m gonna go do three shots of espresso and I’m gonna get my entire team together we’re white boarding you know and I’d like all of that like frenetic energy and I think really only in the past year or so have I found on it is always important to crowdsource rate from your kitchen cabinet I’m from the people in your lives in that group has gotten smaller and smaller airport being when I literally to call with her two day about it important decision that is coming up but when I used to crowdsource seventeen people to say what do you think I should do what do you think I should do now I have like three and I don’t ask them to tell me what to do or what they would even do because they’re not me and they don’t know every single piece of this but I asked them ask me questions they can help me find the answer that’s right for me and I think that’s a really interesting distinction is to have the confidence that I know how to make the right choice for myself for my life for my company for my team that I wanna have confidence that I make good choices not always perfect and sometimes bad choices and sometimes choices we have to like make up for down the road but I can have ownership over there’s two but I think having having the courage to say that if these people are trusting need to it to guide the ship and to be their captain then I can certainly take all their opinions but inevitably I have to make a choice it’s based off of the but my guys here yeah anything before I was always as a leader and it as a founder I was always wanted make everyone feel so included and looking back I think oftentimes at the expense of my own compass of knowing what was right in making decisions that weren’t necessarily in alignment with what I thought but I was like oh I won’t rock the boat too much because this is kind of what people want and then later I drank dang it I knew my instincts not a good you know and so I think that idea of like getting really really comfortable with your with the voice of your own that on and again it’s never gonna prevent you from never making mistakes but even those mistakes are clearly necessary for your personal evolution I think that’s a big piece and then the other piece I would say is this new revelation date if you don’t have join your life then what’s the point in

if you’ve lost that joy and I certainly resonate with that if you just gotten in the grind for so long you know or your you know in mother hood and you are just like you don’t see light at the end of the tunnel or you’re a triathlete in your training like anything that just feels grueling they are just waking up and you’re in it you’re in the weeds and you look in the mirror like I don’t know the last time that I like genuinely felt joyful I cannot over express that’s not a selfish thing to pursue that’s oxygen for our soul and for a lot of us we you know side fended off and we’re passing out in her left his right ear is sometimes just pure exhaustion but I would say that the fight the hustle the grind it’s all important and necessary but let us not forget the power of joy and how much farther that takes us in life I made a commitment about three years ago I wrote it down when I was working on a particularly difficult project and it was I’d actually have a conversation with Roy spends about hugs enjoy and things like that so I said Roy I’m gonna say that I am not going to live another day of my life without a moment of joy every day I said so I’m gonna make a commitment that if I haven’t had a moment of joy I will have one before I go to sleep every night in a sense but if I have you know all right it down because I have this little book where you write down one line today and I usually put my moment of joy in the one line today and he said what are you going to do that and I said well you know if it gets to the end of the Hey and I find that I haven’t had a moment of joy I’m just going to watch some crazy videos that make me laugh and I said that to me or watch some of those the little kid videos you know all those were they talk yeah I said that’ll be my moment of joy for a day and I have been really good I have to tell you I I in the last years of first year I kept up with a three under sixty five days and I did every single day that’s amazing so that’s how we should leave it yes and this is been my moment of joint see you see you and

we’ll I’ll look forward to the next what’s coming next yes people can get in touch with you all put all the information that Alexis Jones dot com thank you again Alexis I can’t wait to see what comes next thank you for continuing to make this world a better place especially for girls and for women the view from Venus team includes me Deborah Hamilton Lynn producer Mariah Gossett an audio engineer Jake Wallace thank you everyone it found the media for your support don’t forget to hit the subscribe button so you never miss an episode leave us a review on I tunes to help other people find the show thanks for listening